Getting Over Him

I passed this on to my friend who is struggling with the ending of her relationship. She said it was "excellent advice," so I add it here for anyone who might find it to be helpful.

Thought stopping. It's a cognitive tool to help you move forward. Use your mind to change your thoughts and get unstuck. I told her when she starts to daydream about him, miss him and think of all the good things... STOP! Make a List of all the reasons it did not work. Keep this List and continue to add to it. She can read it whenever she begins to waver or doubt herself and the decision she made to end it. At some point, when she is over the hump, she can grieve and think of the good things. But not now. She's already cried a river and been immobilized just like she's stuck in deep mud.

The List will keep her out of denial. It's the reality of why it was not good for her. It is self discipline. It's using the part of her that knows what is best for her and keeping it close at hand. It will be her best friend down the road.
Instead of wondering "What he is doing?", STOP! She can ask herself "What am I doing? What can I do to make my life better? What action can I take now?"
It's having an automatic plan you don't have to think about. STOP thinking about him and START thinking about you. What can you do? Eat something healthy. Read something good. Keep your mind occupied with good thoughts. Say a prayer. Be grateful. It's not a brain tumor, and it's not a major earthquake. It feels like your heart is broken and it's the end of the world, but it's not. They are feelings and they will pass. Breathe and let them pass through you. You won't die from them. Life goes on, and so will you. This way it's sooner rather than later. Instead of being stuck in the mud indefinitely and it pulling you down, you'll have some traction.

By using these tools, she's breaking the habit of the toxic relationship and regaining her self esteem. She's taking her power back. She's starting over and beginning to care more about herself than she did about him. It's not easy but it's worth it, because she is. HOLD YOUR SPACE. Hang in there, trust yourself and what the future holds for you.