Heaven Ahead of Us

Death is tough to deal with. Especially when someone so young dies unexpectedly. Shock and sadness take over. I wish I had known he was ill and could have said goodbye. I saw him a year ago and he was the picture of health, expecting his third child the following day with his beautiful wife. We talked about our Mothers and their cancer, We supported each other in accepting the diagnosis and the unknown journey we each faced ahead. I learned he discovered he had a rare form of cancer after a gall bladder attack in May, lost 40 ponds and died August 29th. Life is Fragile. In sharing our loss, a dear friend of mine said, "He just went to heaven ahead of the rest of us."
I'm sure he will HOLD us a SPACE.

Life is Fragile

I received an email today from a dear friend who told me her husband (also a dear friend) had "passed away" at 3 am. Funeral times and location...nothing more. I am saddened and in shock. I didn't know he was ill. My own life has been filled with work and illness in my family. Time has flown by and I realized I had seen him a little over a year ago. A young and handsome man with small children, a beautiful wife and a great life ahead of him. What happened? I do not know...
He was kind and giving, full of wisdom and goodness. He touched the lives of many and he will be missed.

All Hat and No Cattle

I refer to the man who is long on B.S. and short on substance. As women, we all need good crap detectors, not only with him but with what we tell ourselves. We want to believe him just because we WANT to him to be who he portends to be. We can see a life with him, already planning our fictitious futures together.
Get a grip!
By employing some simple objectivity we can clearly SEE the reality of the situation , who he really is and if we have taken a trip down fantasy lane. Save yourself some heartache and your precious time.

Peel Me a Grape

Ever known anyone who wanted you to be their personal valet? A little bit helpless and long on manipulative? Another opportunity to HOLD YOUR SPACE. They may play on your guilt in attempting to "get" you to do something even they know they shouldn't ask. In keeping a commitment to you, they offer excuses such as, "Oh, I forgot." These opportunities for growth are often a frustrating, hair pulling experience but well worth the time. When caught off guard, some handy responses to their requests are, "I'll get back to you on that", "I'll have to think about that" or "I don't think that will work" This will buy you a little time to process before giving a solid "No". Good Luck!

The Wisdom of My Experience

I write about the abusive dead ex husband only to help one woman out there who might read this. He is not going to change. Get out now...Begin again. Do not believe his pleas to be with you and how much he loves you. Don't go back no matter what. Your life is precious and by the grace of God you can make it without him. There are many resources out there. Shelters and free counseling. Many women die at the hands of their abusers. I don't have the statistics but believe me. You could DIE. Get help now.

My Dead Ex Husband Stalked and Abused Me

As I write these words, a flood of emotions comes over me. I remind myself he can never hurt me again, he is dead. I am FREE. I lived in in terror and fear for my life.
I met him close to this time of year which is probably why I am up and can't sleep. I had just finished graduate school and had been living in the library for nearly 2 years writing papers. Hurrying to my brothers surprise birthday party, I had the big sign his wife had asked me to paint. My parents and sisters were all there along with his many friends. As usual, my brother was late. His wife told me, he was with his "best friend" who had kept him busy while the party preparations were being completed. Who was this "best friend" I asked? I didn't know him. "Oh, they met at the lake". Nearly 2 hours late, my brother arrived and the party began. I often wonder how my life would have been different had I just missed that party and never met his "best friend".

OH HAPPY DAY!!!!!!!

I am so very very relieved. I have been praying and practicing every skill I have on board to hold my space and make it through today. My gratitude, gratefulness and unbelievable relief are overwhelming!!! My daughters test results are back and they are negative!!! OH HAPPY DAY!!! I have been wearing my shoulders like ear muffs and didn't know the depth of my body stress until her much awaited phone call. Thank you God!

No Way Out But...Through

When in a difficult situation whatever it is, (insert here) there is No Way Out But...Through.
We can resist, but it will persist. It's just like going to the dentist, no one else can do it for you. A solitary task! Sure, friends can support you emotionally but there is only one way out. It's like falling down a rabbit hole or jumping off the edge of a cliff. You either sprout wings or land knee deep in mud. It doesn't matter so much what the outcome...just that you learn from the experience. Liken it to a burning house, you must run through the fire to get to the other side. Trial by fire. No Way Out But...Through.

Let the Dirt Settle

It helps to have self esteem on board in keeping your power and holding your space. Our self regard in any situation plays a large part in our action or inaction and whether we are serving or sabotaging ourselves. What is it we truly want as the outcome in the situation? Can we stay above our own fray in spite of how we feel? Have we regressed to 5 years old ? Hurt and mad? Sometimes we just want to hide that vulnerable underbelly and keep our "mask on" by running away.
Are we punishing ourselves or the other person (male or female) by going away or putting on our invisibility cloak? Feeling rejected then rejecting? Sometimes "SPACE" is needed just to think things through, center and regroup. We can be our adult selves, give it time, deal, then revisit the relationship. Or, we can a cop out, manipulate and play games. When in muddy waters, take the time to let the dirt settle...then comes the clarity.

The Waiting Game

I find one of the most stressful and energy robbing times is waiting for results of tests. I'm speaking of medical test results. The same waiting period can apply to many other areas of our lives. Waiting to hear about a job, a house, etc. Medical test results, however, can threaten our life as we know it, its longevity and how we continue to live the remainder of our time here. Soooo it stays at the top of my list of major challenging times.
What will the outcome be? How do we deal with the waiting? I am in that waiting time period now. My daughter is awaiting test results that will be life changing. Her important results are in an envelope ( sitting somewhere ) until her MDs return to town on Monday. The results were complete on Friday. He was not available. I am practicing Holding my Space and allowing the unknown to be just that. It ain't easy! I pray for positive results and for the strength to move forward and support her if they are not. Obsessing? At times...then turning my mind to the positive. I have no control over the outcome only how I respond to it.

KEEP CALM and CARRY ON

This is an English "saying" and so very appropriate. It is not STAY CALM.. it is KEEP CALM...
To always "KEEP" calmness with one is to HOLD YOUR SPACE...and CARRY ON by continuing to do so.
This was never more fitting for me than when I answered the telephone call to be informed (by my father) my mother had been taken to the emergency room by ambulance. That very moment of heart pounding and blood curdling fear reminded me to KEEP CALM. I felt a dizzying inability to center myself. My mother is OK now and, after spending a week in the hospital, is home now and resting. I learned a lesson about my reaction to what could have been devastating news..but it wasn't. I put myself through untold stress by my response.

KEEP CALM and CARRY ON

The Wolf at the Door

Ever feel overwhelmed? I call that "the wolf at the door."
Can be a bill collector, an old boyfriend (ex husband) , a sick mother, work problems, a major decision, or anything that is draining your energy and playing on your mind. It's the unknown outcome and "It" just won't go away.
As long as we keep it outside "the door" we have a boundary. We each know it is there and must be handled. It is sometimes the fear of what we must do to "deal" that keeps us stressed and frozen with inaction. We procrastinate....
By addressing whatever "it" is, one can still "hold your space" and dissipate the power of the task.
Imagine you are telling your very best friend how to handle the same problem. Break it into small steps and take some type of action. We have the wisdom and know what is best. Spend as few as 15 minutes jotting down the "plan". Visualize the ideal outcome and then take action, however minute.
Fear is greater than anything on the other side... it's just a puppy, once you take your power!