Saturday, June 12, 2010

Graduation

I went to my nieces' High School Graduation last Saturday.  There were 750 plus graduates in her class and she's a W.  The day was sweltering and thankfully, the indoor stadium was cool.  We found some good seats and family and friends settled in for a reading of the long list of the Class of Graduates of 2010.

I know my niece struggled this year with some of her classes.  She worked really hard with studying, tutoring and testing for college.  My sister asked me to send up some prayers on crucial testing days. As I read the commencement program,  I was so excited and surprised to see her name listed among those graduating with honors. They had not told me.

I found my mind drifting as the Salutatorian and Valedictorian each gave their well rehearsed and well researched speeches full of famous quotes.  I was tuned out mostly.  After the graduates received their diplomas, the principal said something that stuck. It's so simple and well worth remembering.  She said she was looking forward to learning about their accomplishments as they went out into the world.  She added, "Remember, the only limits are the ones you put on yourselves." So true in life.

At our celebration dinner afterwards, I learned my niece has been awarded a scholarship to a University in another state. Her father told her early in her senior year he was not going to pay for out of state tuition.  I remember thinking he was just being tight, and he could afford it.  I realize now her did her a favor.  There is no price to be paid, or better education, than the power of the lesson she learned by what she accomplished herself.  My niece wanted to attend a University with her close friend and she found a way.  Now I understand why she worked so hard.  She had a plan, a goal and a dream.  No limits.
You go girl!

Facing the Truth

I work with a woman whose husband left her after 17 years of marriage. He left her for a younger woman almost half his age.  He left last October so she's had time to let it all sink in.  She hasn't seen or talked with him since he left.  She told me he abandoned her and their four sons.  He has sent her some money to help with the mortgage, that's about it. She's grappling with the devastating pain, anger and some denial.  She's been working two jobs and doing her best to hold her life afloat financially and emotionally.

I see the exhaustion and pain on her face. She still goes over and over her life with him, and now the pain of being without him. Why did this happen? What could she have done differently? He told her she was jealous.  I think a part of her believes him, the cad.  It's obvious she loved him deeply and therein lies the problem.  I think she's hoping he'll come back.

If we can face the truth, he's gone and she's better off.  It will take time for her to heal.  He doesn't want to be there and it's not her fault. Midlife crisis or whatever reason, he's not responsible or trustworthy. As we talked, I learned he has lied to her many times before, she just didn't want to face it.  She has held on to him, and the life they had together, hoping and praying it would work. I learned she's given away more and more of herself in a place of desperation. Now it's all come undone.

As women, it's hard to face the truth when love is alive.  My hope for her is that she can. Valuing herself as much as she did him is a start.  I may sound harsh, I told her "...no man is worth it."  She looked at me very seriously, and I could see the doubt in her eyes.  Clarity is an amazing gift we give ourselves.  I've been there, and I know of what I speak. holdyourspace  Let go of him, and set yourself free.  There's a new life waiting for you on the other side of all this agony.