You Don't Own Me

Ever felt like a possession? Not a good feeling. It's been my experience that the same guy who wants to control where you go and who you spend your time with, will also use abandonment to control you.

Has it become a problem when you want to spend time going out with your girlfriends? For me, that was a problem as well as doing something that included people besides just the two of us. He wasn't in control and I think he was threatened. If I went out without him, then he was not "available" later, when I might want to touch base with him. It felt like a punishing tactic he used. I learned it worked. I wasn't following his plan. He wasn't flexible. It became too much of a hassle for me to keep carving out time away from him. I learned something always happened when I made plans. I wasn't doing what he wanted me to.

If you are experiencing any of this, HOLD YOUR SPACE and pay attention to what you are feeling. Are you afraid you'll lose him or there will be consequences if you have a life separate from him and make your own choices? That's a problem and if you can't work it out, he's not worth it. Don't allow your world to become so small you lose your perspective like I did and can't see the forest for the trees.

Earth Hour

Today is Earth Hour Day. An hour is dedicated to raising awareness about climate change. It's a lesson in saving our Mother Earth by conserving energy. It takes place tonight, the last Saturday evening in March, from 8:30 to 9:30 pm local time. If you want to be a part of it, turn off your non essential lights. Billions of people will participate as it sweeps around the globe from New Zealand to Hawaii. Landmarks across the planet will be darkened as well.

Here's a link with more information on Earth Hours history and purpose as well as how you can participate. www.earthhour.com

Sea Monkies and The Gallery

I snapped this pic at a gallery downtown. It was a silent auction to benefit the environment. The title of the show was "Horrors of the Enchanted Wasteland." My piece is the Life Magazine cover in the background. Things were pretty slow. In a moment, a group of about twenty luminous pink Sea Monkies came cruising in as if they were going unnoticed and in street clothes. They walked through the gallery together looking at the pieces displayed. They were a very unusual alienlike presence. There were so many of them, they took over the space. It was fun to watch the reaction and amazement of the the people already in the gallery when they first noticed them.

The Sea Monkies costumes were identical and the details were executed to perfection. They each had a podlike bulbous pouch on the front, male or female, as if they were pregnant. Their feet were about 20" long. The Sea Monkies perused the gallery in near silence, talking amongst themselves about the art. It was Halloween. I spoke with one of them getting a drink at the bar. I learned they all work together for a large creative corporation. A group of professionals. Each year they design a costume and go out together to celebrate. I like this picture. It brings a smile to my face remembering them. They Held Their Space.

True That

True That Love is a wonderful thing. True That Love is the answer. True That Love Heals. True That there is plenty to go around. True That we all need it. True That From the Heart. True That relationships are often hard. True That balance is good. True That we each are self centered, we want our own way. True That if we change our point of view, it's better than we thought. True That our minds are powerful. True That Time Heals. True That we take a lot for granted. True That Health is a blessing and is the greatest gift of all. True That worry is a waste of time. True That letting go is the hardest and the easiest thing to do. True That feeling peaceful is a choice. True That we all deserve freedom and food. True That prayer is powerful. True That we are all one. True That War is not the answer. True That God is Good. True That there are many ways up the mountain. True That Your Light Shines on the world. True That a Champion resides in each one of us. True That Friendship is Gold. True That it all works out. True That Life is Fragile. True That Death is Certain. True That no one leaves here alive. True that we each depart this world alone.

Getting Started

I purchased these beautiful pastels and they just arrived in the mail. They are made in Switzerland and are water soluble. The colors are so vivid they remind me of Spring and new beginnings. ( It's snowing today in Texas and on the first day of Spring, weird ) I'm a tad intimidated to get started. They look so perfect it's kind of hard to mess them up! No more Excuses. It's time to get them on paper.

I haven't done anything with my art for a long time. ( ok, a Bird and a Fish I did draw) I bought more than a hundred feet of cotton paper over a year ago. It has been standing in a corner of my closet. I keep putting it off and waiting until I think I have the time. When will that be? I'm Procrastinating. I have lots of ideas that stay in my head, like creative constipation. As my son says, "...nothin' to it but to do it." I'm finally taking the action to make it happen. I'm Holding My Space in the flow of action and new beginnings.

St Paddy's Day

St. Patricks' Day, March 17th, signals the end of winter. The day we celebrate, March 17th, is the day of his passing. (387-461) Lore has it that after this day you can plant your garden without fear of frost. St Patrick, the patron Saint of Ireland, was not originally from there. Patrick was born in Britain and was the son of a wealthy deacon. He was captured by Irish raiders at sixteen and taken to Ireland where he worked as a slave for six years. Patrick's spiritual life began during the time he was captured. He worked alone as a shepherd on a mountainside and began a life of prayer. Patrick escaped to France, possibly with the help of some people he had befriended. He studied there and became a Priest.

Once Patrick became a Bishop, he was sent to Ireland to convert the Irish people to Christianity. Many were Druids and considered pagans. He knew the language and taught the Irish using some of the mysticism he learned while he lived in Ireland as a slave. He explained the Holy Trinity, using a shamrock to symbolize The Father, Son and Holy Spirit, the 3 parts of the one. Patrick is known to have held up a Shamrock to save himself from the King. His was the only bloodless spiritual conversion in history. The Lucky Shamrock was a symbol that worked for him. Wear your green today in honor of St Patrick.

The Ides of March

Beware the Ides of March, or March 15th. I do know that Julius Caesar was betrayed today in 44 BC. He was murdered in the Roman Senate by conspirators. The famous line "e tu Brute'?" Like, even you Brutus? Has everyone turned against me? Seems like it was so. Julius had been warned by a sage to Beware the Ides of March.

We've all been there and felt the sting and pain and just how bad betrayal is. We usually don't even see it coming. The depth of the relationship is a gauge for how bad the betrayal hurts. It's just never the same after being betrayed. It can be by a a lover, friend, boss, or family member. There's usually a secret and a lie involved. Trust is broken in a way that often there is no going back to before. Ask Caesar.

Birthday Shoes

I found these shoes yesterday and I'm pretty excited about them! They are a birthday gift for a dear friend. If they were my size it would be hard to give them up! My fingers are crossed that she'll like them. I hope they are funky enough and not too "granny." They were unearthed at Salvation Army and I paid a whopping 27.99 for them. The price is indelibly marked on the bottom of each sole with a bright green marker. No mistaking where they came from and we'll laugh about it! She'll have to be careful where she puts her feet up.

They are Bellini, I'm not sure how old. The color is a rich gold leather, (which she likes) and they are in next to mint condition. The curvy textured snakeskin attachment in gold and black on the front is a statement maker!

Time Changes Everything

Time Changes Everything. Like when we get up tomorrow. Spring Forward. What I'm saying is, it changes many things. I still love chocolate and shoes. There's a purse or skirt or chair I had to have that isn't so great anymore. It's true with men, too. My taste is different. My experience over time is what changed me. I make better choices. I learned a lot and I grew up.

Time does change ones' perspective. (I have more low lights now) What was important to me, not so much anymore. My time is spent much more wisely. Priorities. I know Time is precious. I have a smaller circle of a few dear friends. I've grown to be my own person. I know myself and speak my mind with less filter or I keep my mouth shut. I Love my freedom and friends and family. (and the beach) Time has not changed that.

Spring for Shoes

I usually write about relationships and getting through breakups. My goal is to help anyone with what I've learned. On a lighter note, today it's nearly Spring and a great time for new beginnings. I've been Spring cleaning and clearing out for new and greater additions to my closet. I love going to flea markets, thrift stores and garage sales to locate that perfect and unique treasure. I love shoes! There are many great finds out there. Here are some I discovered and just couldn't pass up. Like a hunter showing off her prize, here they are. I was thrilled to find these!

They were $12.00 at a thrift store. Inside they are brown leather, and say Stuart Weitzman for Martinque Made in Spain in Gold. They are raw silk and have peep toes. I have no idea how old they are. They are in perfect shape and a great fit! I'm thinking Easter!

visit seaofshoes.com for shoes and great fashion.

Survival Tools: The Breakup

Surviving the Breakup. If you are like me, the breakup like any major loss, is all consuming. You forget to take care of yourself. You just don't care and feel immobilized. Care you must, you're all you've got. This is a Basic Survival List of what I've learned that helped me get to the other side of grieving.

1. Eat Healthy Foods. Make a list and stock your frig. Get a friend to go for you if you are feeling bedridden and can't leave your house. You must eat. Avoid junk food and sugar. Fresh, live foods are best. Add in some protein. It will help to keep your blood sugars stable and you to feel better. Take care of your body.

2. Drink Water it's cleansing. Avoid alcohol, it won't help you and will just add in a hangover. Too much coffee or caffeinated tea will make your heart race and you don't need that. (It can add to panic) Just a cup in the morning to avoid a big headache. Fresh juices are good too. Drink lots of water to hydrate your cells and flush out the toxins.

3. Move. Make yourself take a walk outside. No excuses. Breathe in the fresh air. Be Grateful. It's not a brain tumor, it's a breakup. Cry if you need to, it's a release, and will help you let it go. The crazy feelings come from trying to hold it in. Let go of trying to control.

4. Breathe. It will help to calm you. if you feel panic, begin to teach yourself to get calm and center. Breathe again. It will bring oxygen to your cells and help your body relax. Ground. Imagine yourself strong like a tree with roots deep into the earth to steady and ground you. It's the shallow breathing and resulting stress of flight or fight that can be overwhelming.

5. Thought Stopping. It's a cognitive tool so you don't spend your day thinking about him. You have 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening to ruminate and obsess about him. That's all. Create a boundary with your thoughts so they will not consume your day. Avoid talking endlessly with your friends about him, it can keep you stuck. Let them support you and be there for you. Talk about how you feel and a plan to move on. They can help.

6. Call for help. If you need to find a therapist to sort it through, make the call. You will be lead to the right person to help you. It can help to make sense of your choices and your patterns. The breakup can feel like an out of body experience. If you feel panic and overwhelmed they can help you center and gain some perspective. You are not crazy. You will heal. Trust that.

7. Rest. It is key to your healing. Let your body rejuvenate. Take care of it. Take a shower, relax. Take a bath, relax. The water will help to calm your emotions and soothe you. Focus on rest and taking care of yourself. Get a calming CD and listen to it. Nurture and Love yourself. You've been through a lot and it's traumatic.

8. Pray. Prayer is powerful. Ask for help and guidance. It will come. Sometimes in the most unexpected ways. Be aware and be willing to follow it.

9. Think about what you want. Visualize it. Where do you want to be? Write about it in your journal. Create and visualize the life you want to lead and what you want in it. Your thoughts are powerful. You are creating your life with every thought you think. Make it what you want.

10. Trust yourself. Listen to the voice inside you that is guiding you. It is your wisdom. Rely on it to lead you. HOLD YOUR SPACE for all the good life has for you and align with it.

Your Heart Aches

It's over but you're not over him. You may think about him and what could have been way too much throughout the day. You may feel panic at being alone and without him in your life. Why didn't it work? You feel stuck and miserable. It's like an altered state. You miss him and what you had together. Your heart aches and you long for him. You feel rejected even if you're the one that ended it. It's a hard time and you will get through it.

The relationship looks better when you're not in it and on your own. You forget the real reasons it didn't work. Think about those things. Maybe you didn't want to listen to yourself. Now it's time. It wasn't all your fault or all his. Maybe you just weren't a good fit. Instead of going a lot farther down the road, it's over now. You saved yourself more heartache and time.

Bring a little reality into the mix and don't put a halo on him or on you. Do your best to look at the facts. What were the things you know in your gut were the real deal breakers? What were the red flags you tried to overlook? What can you learn about yourself? What will you do different in a future relationship? Keep a journal. You'll be able to see your progress on the pages.

Look at your life and past relationships. How did you get through those endings? What helped you move forward and let go? Move forward you will. You can go kicking and screaming or just go. As trite as it sounds, time does heal all wounds.
And so will you.

Rainbow Days

Today was gray and rainy. We gave a luncheon for 24 people. Thankfully, I wasn't caught in the rain until after it was over. On my way home from work, the sun popped out. I took this picture while in the left turn lane and pulled over to get a better picture. The rainbow was gone in an instant as the sun retreated behind the clouds.

A picture of a rainbow never does it justice. They are so large and beautiful in real life. I've always felt they were lucky so I'm posting this pic to pass on the luck.

P.S. The Gold at the end of this rainbow is Neiman Marcus.

Let It Ride

I have a friend, she's actually a longtime friend of my good friend. She's been in a relationship for over 3 years with a man 20 years her senior. She has wanted to marry him and hoped he would propose. She's been the lovely woman on his arm for many functions all over the city. She is the perfect hostess and has waited patiently for him to put a ring on her finger. He is a wealthy man, a widower and he has grown children not much younger than she is.

They broke up for a brief period not long ago and she met a handsome European man close to her age. She and Mr. Euro saw each other many evenings and she fell for him. They had great chemistry and fit well together. They even had their businesses in common. It was looking promising, until she began to hear from the older man and went back to him. She tried to keep them both without being completely honest with either. I smelled disaster. She was being duplicitous and it bit her bad. Now she has neither one.

It didn't work with the older man for the same reasons it never did. She told Mr. Euro the truth and he would not return her calls after she came clean. She called, texted and then (UH OH) went to his house and knocked on the door. His parents were visiting from abroad and were there to open the door. He was not. They made pleasantries (his parents do not speak much English) and she went on her way. She texted him again that her circumstances had changed and has heard "not a word". I was told she was "coming unraveled" and going to his house uninvited was a sure sign she was desperate.

When asked my advice. I passed on: Let It Ride. Do not text, call, write or show up on his door step! If there is any chance she will hear from him, it will be after his parents have left town and he has time to digest her misdeeds. If he can forgive the fact that she had been lying to him throughout many of their fun and romantic times together, there's a slim chance she may hear from him. I doubt it.

Once you have betrayed a man, trust is toast. If you are sleeping with two men at the same time, and lying about it, you get what you deserve. I may sound like a hard ass. You cheat yourself with the lie. The lesson is hard and one well worth learning.

HOLD YOUR SPACE and Let It Ride. It's your own forgiveness you need.

He Looks Good On Paper

Ever been with someone who has all the traits you are looking for but it's not working? He's handsome, successful, you have some chemistry and similar values. Your parents would love him. He looks good on paper (check check check) but somethings missing?

It's hard to end a relationship like this. Sometimes he's really into you and it flatters your ego. You love the compliments and good company. You tend to ask yourself what's wrong with me? Why do I want to end this and send this great person on his way? Well, integrity for one. You don't want to waste your time or his by leading him on. If you can't shift him into the good friend role, it's better to be alone than hang on hoping something will shift in you.

He doesn't match up with your insides and it's OK. There's a missing link between the two of you. HOLD YOUR SPACE Spend some time getting to know yourself better, then you'll have more clarity on who's the right person for you.

A Terrier with a Garden Hose

Taxes, I dread them. We all have to file them and I'm just getting started for this year. It would not be so difficult if I were better organized and did not procrastinate. I push myself for motivation. As I begin I'm reminded of this story of Jingles.

We had a dog named Jingles who loved to tear up garden hoses. Our home was on an acre and we had no sprinkling system. Hoses were a must to keep the yard green and well maintained in the hot Texas sun.

Jingles was obsessed with hoses. If I was in a hurry and forgot to remove even a sliver from his grasp, the hose was toast when I returned. He could make short order of a fairly expensive garden hose in an afternoon. It was a battle of wits with the dog. I often lost due to my preoccupation and a hectic schedule.

The obsessive terrier would chew hoses into 2 foot sections and leave them scattered all over the yard. I still have a visual of him tearing the hose with reckless abandon and total glee. He pounced on hoses as if they were some evil life threatening creature lurking in the yard. He was our fearless protector. Once he had won the battle and started on a hose, I just let him finish his job of totally tearing it up. It was frustrating to lose another hose but entertaining to watch. He looked like he was spring loaded and bolted several feet off the ground as he frolicked and chewed. He was just a blur of brown and white fur. The terrier would shake his head side to side no less than twenty times in a row as fast as you can imagine as he ripped each section methodically. He was an expert and he was thorough.

I leave you with this visual of Jingles. When I think of him (may he rest in peace) I smile and know that any task I have ahead of me, no matter how daunting, (even taxes) I can tackle it with a fervor. Like a terrier with a garden hose.

Dandy Andy

Dandy Andy

On my to do list...

There is an exhibit of Andy Warhols work from the 1980s "Andy Warhol: The Last Decade Exhibition and Programs" It is showing at The Modern in Fort Worth, through May 16th and I hear it is a "must see". Check it out online http//www.themodern.org

Abandonment: It's Complicated

Abandonment: It's complicated. Ever ended a relationship that just wasn't working and then felt like you were losing your mind? An otherwise stable woman reduced to an emotional basket case full of fear, panic and indecision?

Attachment is how we bond. It's also what makes it so hard to end a relationship. Abandonment and fear can kick in whether you are the person who ended it or not. It's what happens after you know you've done what's right for you by ending it. Ever felt a flood of terror overtaking you like the world is coming to an end? You're alone and it's scary. You become unsure of your decision, then you want to take it back. You can't go on like this without him. If there was some financial security in the relationship that throws another complication into the mix. Those intense feelings you are experiencing are abandonment not the depth of your love.

When feeling this overwhelming fear you question yourself. Did I make a mistake? You want him back. He may have moved on and doesn't want you back. That feeling of rejection adds an even bigger whammy! You feel desperate! You feel like an emotional wreck, a crazy person.

The level of absolute terror you are experiencing may feel like you are being pushed off of a cliff. You can't breathe and can't think. You feel immobilized and crippled with panic. You obsess about him. You replay the minutia of the relationship over and over again in your head. Maybe it was really all your fault. You feel like a shaky addict and he is your drug. You want it back like it was. You may call him and that may make it better for a moment. You may feel worse about yourself after calling. You feel desperate, you're spinning out of control. Groveling does not work. If you do, it will take you to a new low with your self esteem flatter than a pancake. Groveling is not an option. HOLD YOUR SPACE Retain some of your dignity. You'll be glad later when you have some clarity and feel grounded again.

Chill and breathe, it's not him you are in love with, it's you that needs to heal. These overwhelming feelings and absolute panic are not love. It's the severed attachment, and the resulting abandonment you feel. He has met a need in you and now he's gone. It's like an addiction and you think he is the cure. Focus. Look at what you know about the relationship and why it didn't work. That is real.

Your task is to begin to heal the part of you inside that's wounded and only you can do it. Friends, family and a professional can help and you'll get there. Prayer helps too. Look at your pattern of being in relationships. Do you go back into it rather than facing moving on alone? Do you fill the void with another relationship with no time to grieve in between? Is it hard for you be alone? The part of you that bonded so strongly to him is Attachment, the resulting terror and panic is Abandonment. Your task is developing healthy boundaries and loving yourself. You can't be healthy with someone else until you can stand on your own two feet. Then it's your choice to be in a relationship rather than filling an empty need. HOLD YOUR SPACE
You can do it.