Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Early Sex

I'm not talking about sex early in the morning.  I'm talking about sex early in the relationship. Early sex clouds things up and muddies the waters. It takes the relationship to a physically intimate level prematurely. You don't really know him. The budding relationship is put to rest on the back burner and beside the point. Now its the sexual tension front and center. We are no longer getting to know each other, we're now having sex. All kinds of "stuff" can surface before you know if you ever want to see this person again. Expectations you didn't know you had can raise their ugly head. You can't turn back the clock. You've crossed the line forever.  You may be living in the "Love Bubble" temporarily and loving the new buzz of the relationship. It can wear off as quickly as it started when reality sets in. Early sex shortchanges the real courting process and complicates matters. You've put the cart before the horse, so to speak.

I've heard women friends roll their eyes and say, "I wish I hadn't had sex with him so soon."  Her regret is usually for one of two reasons.

1) She's now more vulnerable. "Is he going to call?" She's feeling some panic. When he does, she's afraid he'll think less of her and just stay for the sex, or he'll go away entirely. She feels insecure. She can make up any excuse to herself as to why she did it. Was it the romance, the wine, the moment? She's given away some of her power and she knows it, since she doesn't really know him. There's no groundwork or foundation laid for the relationship. She's not sure where this is going or what his intentions are. She knows she had sex with him too soon.


2) She's finding out, after sex, the more she's getting to know him, the less she's into him. He's really serious about her, he's smitten.  He likes having sex with her and wants a long term committed relationship. He's ready to park his car in her garage, permanently. He's making all kinds of plans about their future together. She's not even sure she can see herself with him.  She's over it. She feels guilty about ending it and also feels some pressure to stay in it. He's so good to her and so is the sex. It's fun to have someone in her life. She doesn't want to lead him on and she doesn't want to hurt him. She knows she had sex with him too soon.

So HOLD YOUR SPACE instant gratification isn't all it's cracked up to be. Get to know who the person really is. Clarity is your friend. Decide if you want to have any future with him at all before you take your clothes off.

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