How Exactly Though?

I had a recent comment from Becky with a question ..."How exactly though?" she asks. Her question was how to begin to HOLD YOUR SPACE. When you formulate the question, Becky, the answers do come.
It is a process, not a quick one I might add. If you are like me, you probably have been giving away parts of yourself for a very long time. I didn't even realize I was giving myself and my power away. It happened over a long time. Mostly in my first marriage. I tried hard to make it work. I was doing a balancing act and didn't realize it. I was giving little parts of me away to keep a balance in the relationship. I was walking a tight rope. Sometimes I did it just to keep the peace and not rock the boat. I was being a good wife. I was understanding and nice. I thought if I did my best and was a good person I would have the happy ending. If I could be good enough, it would all work out. Right?
One day it hit me, I didn't even know what color I liked. I had lost the part of myself that was creative. It had come naturally to me, and one day it was gone. I was working as an interior designer, and I lost my mojo. I think I hit a critical mass and just dissolved me into the ethers. I was afraid, very afraid. I started to have panic attacks and lived in fear. I knew the relationship wasn't healthy. I had lost not only my self esteem, but the creativity that made me, me. Afraid to leave, I didn't know where to turn. Thankfully we went to marriage counseling. The therapist wanted to see me alone. I remember thinking, "...but he is the one who is the problem in this marriage, I'm the one who is trying." Why not talk with him?
Through therapy I learned and I learned. I had been more concerned about what someone else needed and wanted than what my own needs were. I wouldn't say no when I wanted to. In the process I learned to matter to myself. I remember the therapist telling me. "When you plant a tree inside a house you don't know how big it will grow." I later knew what she meant when I filed for a divorce. I was not meant to be a hothouse flower, I was on my way to becoming a mighty oak.
A large part of holding your space is beginning to love yourself enough to say "no" when you need to. It is establishing and keeping your own boundaries. Listening to your own guidance. It doesn't matter anymore if "they" are unhappy with your decisions, or if "they" like your answers. Ask yourself, "What do I want to do?" Look to yourself for the answers to your questions. Begin to trust yourself. Take your own power. We each know inside of ourselves what the right (and the best) thing is for us, that is what makes us each unique. Listen to you and not outside of yourself for what makes you happy. Practice listening and learning who you are and what you want. Follow the road back to you. When you love yourself then you can love another. That is the key.