Let It Ride

I have a friend, she's actually a longtime friend of my good friend. She's been in a relationship for over 3 years with a man 20 years her senior. She has wanted to marry him and hoped he would propose. She's been the lovely woman on his arm for many functions all over the city. She is the perfect hostess and has waited patiently for him to put a ring on her finger. He is a wealthy man, a widower and he has grown children not much younger than she is.

They broke up for a brief period not long ago and she met a handsome European man close to her age. She and Mr. Euro saw each other many evenings and she fell for him. They had great chemistry and fit well together. They even had their businesses in common. It was looking promising, until she began to hear from the older man and went back to him. She tried to keep them both without being completely honest with either. I smelled disaster. She was being duplicitous and it bit her bad. Now she has neither one.

It didn't work with the older man for the same reasons it never did. She told Mr. Euro the truth and he would not return her calls after she came clean. She called, texted and then (UH OH) went to his house and knocked on the door. His parents were visiting from abroad and were there to open the door. He was not. They made pleasantries (his parents do not speak much English) and she went on her way. She texted him again that her circumstances had changed and has heard "not a word". I was told she was "coming unraveled" and going to his house uninvited was a sure sign she was desperate.

When asked my advice. I passed on: Let It Ride. Do not text, call, write or show up on his door step! If there is any chance she will hear from him, it will be after his parents have left town and he has time to digest her misdeeds. If he can forgive the fact that she had been lying to him throughout many of their fun and romantic times together, there's a slim chance she may hear from him. I doubt it.

Once you have betrayed a man, trust is toast. If you are sleeping with two men at the same time, and lying about it, you get what you deserve. I may sound like a hard ass. You cheat yourself with the lie. The lesson is hard and one well worth learning.

HOLD YOUR SPACE and Let It Ride. It's your own forgiveness you need.