To Thine Own Self Be True

Since my mothers death, I've adopted much more of a "no bullshit" policy with myself. I've had a paradigm shift with what really matters. I'm grieving and it ain't for the weak. There's no time anymore for the motions I've gone through to please others. Looking at myself, I realize I'm at a whole new level of holding my space. I'm getting beyond the person I was. It's scary but I'm planning to stay here.
As I grieve her loss, I realize how much I've done to please other people. I've been saying "no" more and as I do, some people just don't like it. They may go away and so be it. Some of my friendships have not been based on just being with someone or mutual caring, but what I can and have done for them. I'm guilty. It has been a big part of who I am, a human doing not being. My self worth and value has been on what I do for others, being there for them more than for myself. It has been a high price to pay at my expense. The lens is coming into focus and the clarity is eye opening. Reality is not always such a pretty picture.
I began to fully wrap mind around and grasp this concept when I got sick from being so run down. A hard lesson to learn this people pleasing. If I'm not doing what they want and saying "yes", I'm not hearing from them. The pendulum has not been swinging both ways and I take responsibility for not voicing my needs. I'm understanding it's this feeling of being needed by others and by having all the answers for them that I feel valued. The underlying fear of not being loved for just me has been driving me. Finding solutions and having insight has been how I have felt accepted, worthy, loved and valued. I'm clearing out the excess baggage and clutter, starting with me. To myself be true.