It's Just Stuff

I'm learning how after someone dies, the dysfunction in the family rises to the surface. The ugly emotional underbelly becomes visible. The family dynamics previously riding under the radar are now exposed. Alignments are made clear. Undercurrent manipulations are now brought to the light of day. It's as if Mom is no longer here to tell us to get along and we are misbehaving. It's painful to see. I know I can do it because she would want me to. She would want me to be a better person.
I think it's the loss of the loved one, the void, and the grasping at thin air that causes it. Maybe some competition and greed added in. The disbelief she's gone is riveting. We want desperately to hold on to her. It's only material objects that are tangible and are left behind to vie for. No longer her attention. It won't bring her back, and sometimes just looking at her things makes me more sad than if I had nothing but her memory. It's just stuff. I carry her in my heart and no thing can replace that.