Ending it...

I have had some friendships with female friends that have ended, and it's usually because we just drift apart or outgrow each other. It's the ending of the love relationship that's the tough one to get to the other side of. Breaking up is hard to do!

I have a friend who is struggling with a break up. She says she wants to end it, but she feels guilty because he's so good to her and she doesn't want to hurt him. I've been her sounding board on this one and I've asked her why she feels so guilty? She says she 's not sure. She knows he wants to marry her. She's learned, over the course of the relationship, she doesn't want to marry him.  She hasn't told him. She's enjoyed his attention and affection and the time they spend together.  His feelings have developed more quickly and now she's feeling pressured. It never seems to work when there's not a balance of feelings and one person is clearly up in the air over the other.

She's never told him she loves him. She enjoys his company, their dates and the sex. She told me he helps her with many things around her house. I told her it might make it easier for her to end it ( I can be direct) if she thought about the fact that maybe she's just being selfish by keeping him around and allowing him to think there's a chance, now that she's sure she doesn't want to marry him. (Why does marriage have to become such a point of contention?)

She just looked at me. I don't think she understood where I'm coming from. I've told her she's wasting his time and more importantly, hers. I think she's holding on because it's hard to let go of a good thing. She 's probably hoping she'll wake up one morning and feel the love for him that he has for her. Maybe it's the fact that she wants to be married and this is pretty close to it. He's just not the right guy. It's hard to let go, move on and start over. This is comfortable and he's a good man. Along with the guilt she feels about hurting him there's fear and the knowing she'll be alone again. The bottom line is, she's not in love with him and she knows it. Better to be honest and set them both free.

P.S. She finally ended it 6 months later and although tough, she's moved on.