You Can Fly

I received an update from my friend who was struggling over her breakup back in January, a few long months ago. (See: Love Sick) She writes:

"I have been able FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER; to cut Bill (name changed) off-without having that anxious, I'm going to die without him feeling. I have not had the urge to call or text him. I told him that I was finally at the point where I could let him go and let us both move on. Since that time I have not contacted him in any way. I do think of him still every day, but without the need to call or text or write anything. The dysfunction I was feeling seems to be going away. I am not as stressed about things. I was having some impatient moods, but that seems to be subsiding. I am so happy about this. I feel like a caterpillar in my cocoon. By the summer I hope to break out as a beautiful butterfly."

I include her words, with her permission, as a help to other women struggling with the ending of a relationship. Time and distance do heal a broken heart.

My friend has worked hard to move on. She has grieved, been angry and hurt over this man. She also attributes some of her progress to a meditation and relaxation CD she has been listening to. I pass this information on to anyone it may help. Hold Your Space

Getting Away

Sometimes relaxing and getting away is crucial to healing and moving forward. The ocean has always been healing for me and has helped me to balance and recenter. I'm making a plan to get away this summer, I'm overdue. My day to day life can be so full of "hurry up" that I can't seem to keep up with myself. I know I need to make a plan to rest, recharge and HOLD MY SPACE to integrate it all. We all do. I need to get off of the hectic merry go round that can be my life and chill. Getting away to the ocean is like a reboot for my heart, mind and soul. Relax and let go. I'll decompress by the water and begin again with a renewed and rejuvenated perspective. Join with me and plan your Get Away.

Survival Tools: The Breakup

Surviving the Breakup. If you are like me, the breakup like any major loss, is all consuming. You forget to take care of yourself. You just don't care and feel immobilized. Care you must, you're all you've got. This is a Basic Survival List of what I've learned that helped me get to the other side of grieving.

1. Eat Healthy Foods. Make a list and stock your frig. Get a friend to go for you if you are feeling bedridden and can't leave your house. You must eat. Avoid junk food and sugar. Fresh, live foods are best. Add in some protein. It will help to keep your blood sugars stable and you to feel better. Take care of your body.

2. Drink Water it's cleansing. Avoid alcohol, it won't help you and will just add in a hangover. Too much coffee or caffeinated tea will make your heart race and you don't need that. (It can add to panic) Just a cup in the morning to avoid a big headache. Fresh juices are good too. Drink lots of water to hydrate your cells and flush out the toxins.

3. Move. Make yourself take a walk outside. No excuses. Breathe in the fresh air. Be Grateful. It's not a brain tumor, it's a breakup. Cry if you need to, it's a release, and will help you let it go. The crazy feelings come from trying to hold it in. Let go of trying to control.

4. Breathe. It will help to calm you. if you feel panic, begin to teach yourself to get calm and center. Breathe again. It will bring oxygen to your cells and help your body relax. Ground. Imagine yourself strong like a tree with roots deep into the earth to steady and ground you. It's the shallow breathing and resulting stress of flight or fight that can be overwhelming.

5. Thought Stopping. It's a cognitive tool so you don't spend your day thinking about him. You have 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening to ruminate and obsess about him. That's all. Create a boundary with your thoughts so they will not consume your day. Avoid talking endlessly with your friends about him, it can keep you stuck. Let them support you and be there for you. Talk about how you feel and a plan to move on. They can help.

6. Call for help. If you need to find a therapist to sort it through, make the call. You will be lead to the right person to help you. It can help to make sense of your choices and your patterns. The breakup can feel like an out of body experience. If you feel panic and overwhelmed they can help you center and gain some perspective. You are not crazy. You will heal. Trust that.

7. Rest. It is key to your healing. Let your body rejuvenate. Take care of it. Take a shower, relax. Take a bath, relax. The water will help to calm your emotions and soothe you. Focus on rest and taking care of yourself. Get a calming CD and listen to it. Nurture and Love yourself. You've been through a lot and it's traumatic.

8. Pray. Prayer is powerful. Ask for help and guidance. It will come. Sometimes in the most unexpected ways. Be aware and be willing to follow it.

9. Think about what you want. Visualize it. Where do you want to be? Write about it in your journal. Create and visualize the life you want to lead and what you want in it. Your thoughts are powerful. You are creating your life with every thought you think. Make it what you want.

10. Trust yourself. Listen to the voice inside you that is guiding you. It is your wisdom. Rely on it to lead you. HOLD YOUR SPACE for all the good life has for you and align with it.